Dos and Don'ts on Bereaved Mother's Day

I'm struggling with today. It's bereaved Mother's Day. I don't want to be a part of this day. I don't want it at all and I don't want it for anyone else. I wish this holiday didn't exist.But I AM thankful that I got to be Caden's mother. I am thankful I had him so I'll take it. ‪#‎cadenstrong‬

Here's some tips for talking to those of us with angel babies...especially today and next Sunday (Mother's Day...we aren't just bereaved mothers. We are just plain mothers too) 1. Don't think too hard - just having you talk to us or acknowledge us as people and not some big lump of loss is great. We may not respond right away, but it helps just knowing you are there. 2. Remember our angel - say his name. You aren't reminding us. We never forget. You acknowledging our children is music to our ears. We want to know how our babies touched your life. 3. Offer support - we may look like we have it together but we probably don't. One of the hardest parts of this process is when people stop asking and start going back to a normal life. We often are just exhausted from trying to survive the day.

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And here's 3 things not to do 🚫say "It will be ok" - it will never be ok. Our baby is gone and with him went a piece of our heart. We will learn to live and find joy again, but our life will forever be "not ok" 🚫say "At least you still have (insert other child's name" or "at least you can still have more kids" - I am more thankful now for my daughter than ever before. I cherish her life so much and love her beyond words, but she is not Caden. She doesn't replace Caden. Nothing ever will. No mama should ever have to live without any of her babies. 🚫Give us the sad eyes or worse, completely avoid us - it makes us feel like black holes when we see you avoid us. We are going through something difficult and it makes it even harder to do it alone. Just be yourself. We aren't going to break (though we may cry) but at least we'll know you care

Deeper than the waters

My sweet newborn son,Right now, as the team is preparing you for your first open heart surgery, my heart is shattering into a million pieces across this cold hospital floor. You are still brand new. We just got to meet you. You still have your newborn swell and your pink skin is still so fresh with new life.

I can’t feed you or bath you or dress you. My heart breaks as you wiggle your tiny toes and stick out your tongue while you explore the midnight world. I don’t care if I don’t sleep just so I can stare at you, capture you, just like this because tomorrow you start your journey down a new road.

You’re perfectly formed from your tiny head with little fuzzy hair to your scrunchie nose, long toes, and cheeks you can kiss for days all the way back to your mighty heart. On the outside you’d never know you were fighting for your life with every beautiful labored breath.

Tears roll down my face as you cry. You’ve endured so many pokes and blood draws and lines and tests. I want to take them all away. I want to rip down every cord and machine and run far far away with you, but I know that this is your shot at life and you have so much to teach us, to teach me.

I know tomorrow I say goodbye and you’ll come back to me changed. You won’t move. You won’t cry. You won’t open those little eyes at midnight. But don’t worry baby because mommy is going to be there through it all. I’ll wait while you fight and I’ll pour my whole soul into your recovery.

Tomorrow as they wheel you away I don’t want you to be scared because I’ll be waiting and praying. My mama heart may break and shatter but my soul knows nothing but hope and pure faith that you are going to be a vessel for miracles.

My love for you runs deep, my son, but God’s love runs deeper.

Tomorrow, my brave and mighty warrior, you’ll fight and fight hard. You’ll show us resilience and strength. You’ll beat the ridiculous odds they’ve thrown at you. They can tell us your chances are slim or that having these conditions together over commplicates things. They can repeat over and over that you may not make it or that this is one of the worst diagnosis you could have, but I know something they don’t. Your story isn’t over. It’s just beginning.

Now let’s go show them what it means to be #cadenstrong